


I Hold It True, Whate'er Befall (I Feel It When I Sorrow Most)

by flights_of_fantasy



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Gen, World of Ruin Big Bang (Final Fantasy XV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29977746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flights_of_fantasy/pseuds/flights_of_fantasy
Summary: "Noct…sometimes, I wish that you’d never come back."How can I…when I know the fate that awaits you?"A record of Ignis' private struggle to come to terms with his King's ultimate destiny, set during the 10 years of the Long Night.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8
Collections: World of Ruin Big Bang





	I Hold It True, Whate'er Befall (I Feel It When I Sorrow Most)

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first-ever Big Bang (or Mini-Bang, in my case), and I enjoyed the experience. Although the winter storms that blew out my internet and electricity causing a delay in my posting time were not fun...thanks to the mods and my partner, [hheistt](https://hheistt.tumblr.com/), for being so understanding and amazing to work with!
> 
> Title taken from Lord Tennyson Alfred's poem "In Memoriam."

> _“A king… absolutely cannot lead by standing still.  
>  “No matter the sacrifices… he must continue to advance without fail.  
> “But… a king may also lose his way.  
> “When that happens, I ask that you stand by Noctis’ side… as a friend…  
> “And as an older brother.  
> “Please… take care of my son.”  
> ~Final Fantasy XV: Episode Ignis – Regis Lucis Caelum CXIII to Ignis Scientia_

* * *

[The following are transcripts of select audio records from one Ignis Scientia, advisor to Noctis Lucis Caelum CXIV, the last of the Kings of Lucis. For the sake of authenticity and completeness, all non-verbal audio has been included as descriptions. Words that were emphasized in the recordings have been italicized.]

* * *

This is Ignis Scientia, advisor to Noctis Lucis Caelum CXIV. The purpose of creating these files is to provide a record of the goings-on that occur during the… absence… of His Majesty. Due to my current… condition… and unwillingness to burden others with dictation, this method is ideal.

Of highest importance in current events is the creation of the Council. With the looming threat of unending darkness, it was decided that a committee should be formed to handle the various logistics involved with preparing for an uncertain future. A hasty vote was taken, and the selected members of the Council are currently as follows: Marshal Cor Leonis, who also leads the remaining Crownsguard; Holly Teulle, who doubles as the head of the EXINERIS power plant in Lestallum; Ezma Auburnbrie, the chief of operations at Meldacio; and myself. As the only living advisor to the royal line of Lucis, it was… unsurprising, I suppose, that I was expected to be involved with the process. I do appreciate the extra responsibilities; even with the increased practice I have scheduled to regain my former proficiencies, I find myself having more time on my hands than I would like…

[A pause.]

In any case, the first official meeting of the Council will be held in the morning, and I anticipate it to be a long one. The agenda has several weighty items on it, including how Lucis should reach out to Tenebrae and Accordo for collaboration. As the Council member having most recently been in contact with Accordo, I will most likely need to play a larger role in that discussion.

…I should go and prepare for tomorrow. Once again, this is Ignis Scientia, advisor to Noctis Lucis Caelum CXIV.

End recording.

* * *

This is Ignis Scientia, advisor to Noctis Lucis Caelum...

[A long, heavy silence, finally broken by a weary sigh.]

My apologies, Noct, it has been…an _interesting_ few days, to say the least.

[A deep inhale.]

I suppose I should start at the beginning. We received some… new additions to our fighting forces four days ago: a good number of Kingsglaive. Led by Libertus Ostium, they asked to join our ranks, but Ostium also requested a private meeting with the Council, saying that he had sensitive information to discuss. At the time, I thought nothing of it, as it’s not unusual for the leaders of new arrivals to seek such meetings; indeed, it is rather common to work out the details for collaboration this way. In particular, since the Kingsglaive were among those defending Insomnia when… when it fell… I believed that the meeting would involve a report of what happened. And I was right, Ostium’s report did have to do with Insomnia’s fall, but… the _details_ he revealed…

 _Astrals_ , Noct… I…

[A muffled, shaky exhale.]

There’s no easy way to say this. Many of the Kingsglaive… turned traitor. They sought to kidnap Lady Lunfreya for Niflheim and tried to kill her when that failed. Those who sought to remain loyal to the Crown were murdered. Ostium admitted that many of those who betrayed Lucis felt they had been betrayed first, that the ceasefire agreement with Niflheim was abandonment of the lands beyond the Wall where their homes were. Even the Captain, Titus Drautos… he was General Glauca. All that time… one of your father’s most trusted was an agent of Niflheim all along… how had we all missed it? No… how did _your father_ miss it? How… the Kingsglaive may have had less direct oversight, seeing as they were often on the frontlines, but… His Majesty did have regular meetings with Drautos. Meetings that also included Lord Amicitia and Marshal Leonis. How, in all those years working with him, _did they miss a traitor under their very nose?_ If they had only noticed and dealt with him in time… Insomnia wouldn’t have fallen… you would not have had to go into hiding… Lady Lunafreya would still be alive… you wouldn’t be trapped inside a blasted _crystal_ for _Astrals knows how long_ in order to…

[The screech of a chair suddenly being pushed back, followed by the sound of furious pacing for several long moments. Several measured breaths. When the speaker resumes, his voice is audibly restrained.]

No, that is not fair to His Majesty, nor is it fair to the other members of his Retinue. They did their best… it just wasn’t enough. And now… now we who remain must deal with the consequences. Consequences that include determining what to do with the Kingsglaive who wish to join us. According to Ostium, they are… deeply regretful of the choices they have made, and seek to atone by helping to defend Lucis. I won’t lie, trained fighters are sorely needed right now, as daemon attacks have become more problematic; the Hunters and remaining Crownsguard are struggling to manage them all. However… can the Kingsglaive be trusted, after all they have done? The Council is currently divided on the issue, and I foresee much debate on the matter. As if there is not enough to deal with already… if I were prone to migraines, I would be having one right now.

…Noct, what would you do? Would you let the former traitors back into the fold, if they said they were repentant?

…As if you are here to answer. This is foolishness…

End recording.

* * *

Hello, Noct. It has… been some time, has it not? My apologies for the… lack of updates as of late.

[The sound of a throat being cleared.]

I should start by mentioning that I have been… reacquainting myself with my culinary skills. I do not wish to be treated as an invalid, and so I began refamiliarizing my hands and retraining my senses to cook in a safe manner. There were mishaps, of course: learning knifework without eyesight was a challenge, as was using a stove and oven, but I am fairly confident now, and my dishes are coming closer in quality to what I could make… before. This is good, as I will not be able to experiment in this way for much longer, since supplies will start being rationed soon. Our most recent shipment of perishables included a good selection of fruit and vegetables, the first successful harvest from the new aeroponic gardens.

Speaking of which… I don’t recall having mentioned them before. Since we are receiving less and less daylight, and it is only a matter of time until we will need to use water sparingly, much work has been put into developing alternative methods of food production. Initially, there was quite some concern among the Council, as growing enough produce to feed the population of Eos with no sunlight and limited water is a daunting task; there was discussion about whether it would be a better use of resources to create nutritional supplements that could be synthesized even without the use of fresh ingredients. The topic was a rather… volatile… one, with proponents of both sides engaging in long and bitter arguments that often devolved into outright bickering and, occasionally, character assassination. Several tiresome days were spent on the matter; it was finally resolved after Holly declared, with the backing of the Lestallum faction, that designing the necessary facilities for such a massive agricultural undertaking would not be a problem, she would be happy to head up the project, and if the rest of us wanted to continue wasting precious time fighting like gutter children, well, she would be busy being productive. I cannot remember the last time a Council matter was concluded so quickly.

[A slight chuckle.]

As always, Holly was true to her word, and the first aeroponic gardens were functional within months. I have no doubt that, once rationing begins, we will all be thankful for them. It truly is the ones who have their boots on the ground that deserve the bulk of thanks usually offered to us Council members. The engineers at Lestallum are the unsung heroes behind the truckload of produce I mentioned earlier.

I don’t know whose idea it was, but…someone had decided to include ulwaat berries in the trial run, so there were several cartons of them available. I… was in a reminiscent way, so I… thought to make that pastry with the ulwaat berries. The one that you…

[A shaky inhale.]

Well… you and I both know which one I am speaking of. It was… surprisingly easy to prepare the crust, roll it out, prepare the filling… I didn’t even need to think about how long I needed to set the oven… I thought I might have… forgotten how to make them, considering I never made it more than a few times _before_ …

[Silence, punctuated by ragged breathing.]

When I… tried the pastries, they were… just like I remembered. The right balance of… tart and sweet… the correct… level of fl… of flakiness… in the crust… the proper… proper…

[A sharp gasp, quickly cut off, followed by a long pause. When the voice is heard again, it is quivering.]

Noct… they tasted _exactly_ the same as they… as they did the last… last time you… you…

[Deep breaths, then a loud thud.]

What… what am I… what are _any_ of us even doing? We plan and prepare everything to _get through the dark_ , to just _hold on until the King returns_ and treat your reappearance as… as the ultimate hope when what it really means is that you’ll…you’ll _die_ just for some… _Astrals-damned prophecy_ that says it’s your _destiny_ to do so in…in some _ritual double suicide_ with an _insane madman?_ That the three of us, _your Retinue,_ will get our King back just so we can _escort him to his own death?_ I…I _can’t_ accept that. I _won’t._ Why am I wasting my time _baking_ when I should be trying to find if there’s _some_ way, _any way,_ to keep you _alive_ so you can die after a _long and proper life?! Yes,_ those pastries were… no, _are_ … your favorites, but… but that means nothing if _you’re not here to enjoy them!_ You’ll come back, a-and then… then you’ll… you’ll go off to… to face… _him_ … you won’t delay the… confrontation… Gladio may say otherwise, but… but we all know… once you’ve set your mind to something, you can’t be dissuaded… you’ll go… as soon as you can… and… you… won’t… get t-to… I won’t… can’t m-make…

[Harsh but muffled sobbing.]

Astrals… why… why d-did it… have to… why _you_ … Noct… _Noct_ …

[Several moments of unfiltered weeping.]

I… I can’t… not… not now…

End… end record… end recording.

* * *

Noct… how have you been doing? Are you… learning anything of use in the Crystal?

…My apologies. I have not been… a good conversationalist as of late… there is an oppressive pall hanging over… all of us the past few days…

But that’s not your fault, is it? I… shouldn’t seek that as an excuse.

…It’s perpetually dark now, or so I have been told. Daylight no longer clings to the edge of the horizon… the moon and stars no longer shine… Not that it matters to me. One darkness is the same as the next… but for the others that rely on their eyes to make sense of the world, the lack of light is… well, oppressive really is the best word for it… Hunts and transport runs are happening at a lower rate than they used to: everyone has been training to fight in the dark, of course, but having no natural light whatsoever is still putting a damper on things. Gladio and Prompto have been struggling to adjust, I can tell from their voices… Prompto, especially, since he hates the dark… Do you think Ardyn is experiencing difficulties as well, or is the darkness just… all the same to him?

[A bitter laugh.]

Just like it is for me…

[Another pause.]

I suppose I’ll never know, will I? And it’s not like I’m going to hunt him down and ask; I have no desire to be around that… that _madman_ any more than I have to.

…Which is going to happen, eventually, when… when you confront him. I… I know what will happen… I wish it wouldn’t… but… I refuse to let you face… I will not let you go alone. Not again… never again.

[Silence again.]

…Perhaps it is time I began preparing myself.

End recording.

* * *

Hello, Noct. Gladiolus and I are… not exactly on speaking terms at the moment. We had been at odds ever since I decided to take up hunts in earnest: he is… concerned… that my _condition_ will place me at greater danger in the field. I have attempted to discuss the matter, offered to demonstrate my skills in a sparring match, tried every avenue I could think of, and he is still obstinately refusing to see that I am capable of handling myself. I am not being overconfident: I know my limits, and how to work around them. The Marshal himself has approved of my abilities, but oh, no, Gladiolus will not accept that the man who _used to train him_ knows what he is talking about. When he found that I will be helping to escort a transport of supplies to Hammerhead tomorrow, well… let’s just say that Leviathan herself would have been woken from her slumber by his thunderous objections. He argued that _you are not ready_ and insisted that _you will get yourself killed on this mission, Ignis, and then where would we all be? Astrals_ is the man stubborn! I am fully able to carry out the mission, _nothing_ is going to fall apart if I am not here, and my life is _my own to place at risk;_ as if he has any leg to stand on, taking all the highest-difficulty hunts he can find! Yes, he can want to protect me, but I don't need to be _coddled!_

[A deep breath.]

In any case, I will be heading out tomorrow after breakfast. Perhaps my returning from the escort trip will finally convince Gladiolus of my skill…

End recording.

* * *

Noct, I just realized when going through the schedule for the week, but… it’s your birthday today, isn’t it? Your 26th birthday… and you’re still inside the Crystal. Do you… experience any noticeable passage of time? Does the concept of time even exist for you right now?

…Actually, where even are you right now? According to Gladio and Prompto, the Crystal turned dark and empty, after pulling you in. I hope you’re not actually inside it; the Crystal was gone by the time a search party went back for it, and it hasn’t been found yet. I have my _suspicions_ about where it is right now… or, more precisely, who currently possesses it, and he is _not_ someone I want you near for any longer than absolutely necessary. What even _is_ the Crystal, anyway? You entered into it, but apparently Bahamut implied that you would re-emerge on _Angelgard,_ of all places… And if my suspicions are correct, that is nowhere near the current location of the Crystal. Are you in some other plane of existence, communing with your ancestors and the Astrals? Does that make the Crystal some sort of… portal? Whatever it is, I hope that you are doing well… or as well as you can be, given the circumstances.

…I wish they were better… And now I’m being maudlin on your birthday. Sorry, Noct, you don’t deserve that.

[A wry chuckle.]

Happy Birthday, Noct.

End recording.

* * *

Hello again, Noct. It’s been ten years since you first entered the Crystal. Ten years… it seems like both an eternity and a moment have passed since those horrifying few seconds of listening to your struggles before they suddenly ceased. How much longer does the Crystal plan to keep you, I wonder? When… will you return to us?

Noct… sometimes, I wish that you’d never come back. That you’d stay in the Crystal forever. Do not worry, I’ve never voiced this aloud: it’s not the sort of thing one should say right now, is it? You’re the last hope for all of Eos. Everyone still alive knows that this infernal darkness won’t break unless you return. And we know you will—Prompto, especially, has taken to making plans on what the four of us can do once everything is over. The last time we were both in Lestallum, Prompto was telling me about all the best scenic places to take group pictures, and how he would bring us to each spot at exactly the right time so the light would be perfect for the shot, and what fun places we could stop by while traveling between photo ops… Noct, it was the most excited that he’d been in my presence since the Long Night fell. How could I disrupt his cheer, when it was genuine and unforced for the first time in so long? I tried my best to hide the old pain that resurfaced, making suggestions about supply lists and necessary equipment, but perhaps my forced participation was a little too obvious; he eventually fell quiet before awkwardly excusing himself for his next delivery run. Gladio isn’t as obvious about it, but he has noted that it would be nice not to need lights just to go outside anymore. Then he muttered that you had better not be too lazy and decide to nap in the Crystal for any longer than you had to or you would _get it when you came back_ —his words, not mine. He sounded fond, though, so you need not be too concerned about possible future critical injuries. That was the last time in recent memory that he seemed to be happy and, as with Prompto, it had to do with the thought of your return.

I don’t begrudge the others for wanting to see you again, not when the thought of it brightens their spirits so; sometimes, I feel the same. And yet, there are times, like today, when I cannot but wish that our meeting will be delayed, just a little longer… when I cannot join in the fond sharing of memories and the hopeful discussions for the future. How can I… when I know the fate that awaits you? When I know that the next time we meet, it truly will be the start of the end… Noct… I…

[Knocking, followed by a muffled voice.]

One moment, please!

It seems my attention is required elsewhere, as it often is these days… Apparently, Talcott has picked up someone, and I am needed to handle the situation. I must be off. As ever, I am your loyal retainer, Noct.

End recording.

* * *

> _“The four of us around a campfire… it’s been a while.”  
>  “Indeed.”  
> “So… you know…  
> “Umm…”  
> …  
> “I…  
> “Dammit… what the hell… the words just won’t come out…  
> “I… I’ve prepared myself.  
> “But… knowing this is it… and seeing you all…  
> “I’m sorry… this really is too much…”  
> …  
> “It’s good to hear.”  
> …  
> “Thanks, everyone.  
> “I… really love you guys.”  
> ~Final Fantasy XV – Noctis Lucis Caelum CXIV and Ignis Scientia_
> 
> _“A lot has happened, but… I did enjoy myself.”  
>  “Yes, I as well.”  
> “That’s why… looking back, I don’t have any regrets.  
> “Thanks to you guys and Luna… your protection…”  
> “Noct… I… to the end…”  
> “It’s because I have you, my precious people, that I… was able to make it this far.  
> “Heh. I’m not alone, you know? You guys are always with me.  
> “Ignis…  
> “Thanks, for everything.”  
> ~Final Fantasy XV: Episode Ignis – Noctis Lucis Caelum CXIV to Ignis Scientia_

**Author's Note:**

> Quotes from the game are my own translations, as I wasn't completely satisfied with the ones done by Square Enix (from my limited-conversation-level Japanese knowledge). If I mis-translated something, please let me know!


End file.
